Who you callin' zombie fodder Willis?

We face tough decisions every day. Prada or Louis Vuitton? Jimmy Choo or Manolo Blahnik? Mac or Lancôme? Ulta or Sephora? Saks Fifth Avenue or Nordstrom?

Every apocalypse comes with tough decisions that must be made. Choosing both (Saks and Nordstrom!) may never be possible. You may find yourself caught, forced to choose between two equally unsavory options without any alternatives.

If you find yourself leading a group of would-be survivors into the fray, how do you decide who is or is not expendable?

Circus Performers Will Be All Set

I love my little sedan. She’s fast and sleek (for a sedan). She gets me to and fro. She’s economical on fuel. I have gotten into a few scrapes and tight spots with her, but would she really do as transport during an apocalypse?

Transportation is a major day-to-day concern. However, in order to get from point A to point B and avoid being eaten alive by giant rabid rats you will need to be able to handle any reliable and fuel efficient vehicle that can help you avoid those buck toothed rodents of doom.

The Nothing as Apocalyptic Allegory

If you have not seen The Neverending Story, you may not want to proceed. This article is about the movie, its themes, and how they apply to survival.

In The Neverending Story, a young boy named Sebastian is told by his father to get his head out of the clouds and to plant his feet firmly on the ground. When he leaves for school, bullies chase Sebastian into a bookstore. Here he finds a book bound in red leather with a mysterious gilded symbol on its front cover. Sebastian steals the book and takes it to school where he hides in the attic to read.

Why Would You Survive?

While we have talked a lot about how to survive, we haven't yet talked about why you would survive. What is so important that you would fight dragons, climb mountains, and drown killer space fish just to come through alive?

The only thing we have to fear is--OMG is that a spider!

President Franklin Delano Roosevelt said, “So let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Roosevelt's Inaugural Speech about change, restructuring the economics system, and defeating The Great Depression is still inspirational. However, I am sure that during an apocalypse, that iconic line will not ring true. Fear will lie around every corner and under every bed. It will lurk in the night sky itself. To survive, you’ll need to identify the legitimate reasons for fear and weed out the illegitimate ones.

Ukulele! Defnintely the Ukulele!

On a gorgeous spring day, you take the day off from work. You stay home to get some Spring Cleaning accomplished while your family is at work and school and effectively out of the way.

After a lovely breakfast, you clear your dishes and wash them by hand as you gaze out the window onto your sun drenched back lawn. As you watch rabbit nibble some grass, you daydream about warmer mornings when you can take your breakfast on the patio.

A noise disturbs your pleasant revelry. It’s not loud, but something about it alerts you to danger. You turn and find nothing there.

Uzi or Ukulele?

Choosing the right weapon is like choosing the right shoe. You have to take a number of factors into account. Where will you be? What is the terrain like? How close or far will you be from whomever will experience said weapon? Will you be running?

If you are in the woods running from a mad axeman, wearing your Jimmy Choo strappy sandals is not a great idea. Not only are you going to ruin that signature shoe, but you are apt to break an ankle. Similarly, if you are being chased by a mad axeman, when you have to fight back, you’ll want a weapon on hand. It will have to be easily transported and usable at a safe distance.

Turn Your Every Day Arsenal into an Actual Arsenal

One of the most important resources any woman can have in her Go Bag is her arsenal. On a daily basis, in non-apocalyptic settings, the arsenal is as varied as the woman who wields it.

While a given situation determines the weapons, there will be overlap. A night out: keys, a nail file or emery board, polish, small clippers, hair spray, a brush or comb, lip gloss, cash, an ID, and cleavage. A day at the office: keys, nail file or emery board, polish, nail clippers, hair spray, a brush or comb, lip gloss, cash, laptop, and ID badge.

The clever woman will use this overlap to her advantage.